stayed strong together through challenges, and how to maintain a
healthy marriage, come what may.
See excerpts of what they had to say below;
Marriage has been good, it has been wonderful. I met my husband at the
National Theatre while we were rehearsing for Jero's Metamorphosis by
Professor Wole Soyinka in 1981. I was to play Sister Rubeka and he was
playing the role of Prophet Jero and, at the same time co-directing
the play. That was where we met.
He was one of the top African actors in England at that time, whether
on stage or on screen. He was the talk of the town. So, I was looking
forward to meeting him; when I finally saw him, he was quite a
handsome man. Our first meeting, if I could remember vividly, I went
to call Miss Ene to come and watch our rehearsal. They were in a
production meeting, and, when I entered the office, the first thing he
uttered was, "This is the woman I am going to marry."
When I left the office, I said to myself, `How can anybody say it just
like that' He always insisted that I eyed him every now and then. We
started out as very good friends. Four years later we got married. We
met in 1981 and married in 1985.
WHAT HAS KEPT THE MARRIAGE GOING
Friendship. We are each other's very close friend. It's not as if we
don't have close friends outside our marriage, but I think we are both
each other's number one close friend. The other thing is mutual
respect, the fact that we both share the same passion about the area
of entertainment that we are in. Of course, the various challenges
that we've faced over the years , we've learnt how to surmount them
together. At different times when it is necessary, we have both learnt
to forgive each other. I guess the sum total of what I'm saying is
that God's grace has been present in our marriage.
PEOPLE ALWAYS REFER TO YOUR MARRIAGE AS A SUCCESSFUL CELEBRITY
MARRIAGE. WHAT IS THE SECRET OF BEING ABLE TO HOLD ON TO YOUR MARRIAGE
FOR 28 YEARS AND YOU REMAIN INSEPARABLE
God's grace has kept us in the sense that even when the challenges
come, we've been very lucky with the kind of friends that we have had
who have been very supportive. They too have their share in making
sure that this marriage succeeds. I have some very good friends and
family, definitely good family on both sides.
KEY FACTOR FOR SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
There has been the contribution of family and friends. We don't have
that many friends really, but the ones we have are like family, they
are very close to us. They've been with us from day one. Our families
too have been very supportive, especially, when the children were
younger and we had to work. It was easy to take the children to family
members while we went about what it was necessary for us to do ,
knowing fully well that the children were in good hands.
Also we had very challenging times,; I'll never forget a time, I don't
even know what it was that caused the quarrel, it was a long time ago,
and I got so upset. I just packed all my things, took the children
with me in the car and drove off and went to my mum. That same day, I
came back, my mother drove me back. (laughs). They are both so close,
my husband and my mum.
A lot of times when people see the two of them together, they think
she is his mother. Unfortunately, by the time we got married, his mum
had passed away, so his late sister was like my mother-in-law. And she
was just an absolute gem, she used to call me 'Olori' which means
'Queen'. She had this wonderful way of making me feel extra-special.
My sister-in-law never allowed anyone to oppress me. Our families are
always so positive, so encouraging.. One good thing about both
families is that whenever there is a need, everybody rises. That's how
we are.
CAUSES OF BREAK-UP OF MARRIAGES
I wouldn't dare say that I can talk about that, I can't; because I
know that what I have is God's grace. It would be arrogant to say this
is what caused the break up of this person's marriage. I'm not walking
in their shoes. All I can say is that there are things that happen
that can break up marriages, but if you can pray for strength to
weather those storms and usually when these storms are happening, it's
because there is something good, there is a contention. Marriage is an
institution created by God .
As a Christian, I look at it from the Christian perspective. It is a
symbol of God's union with his Church. Marriage is always on the
attack; if you remember, even in the Garden of Eden when Eve was found
on her own, she was attacked and, when she succumbed, it was easy for
Adam to fall. If you can ask for the grace to weather the storm,
there's always something beautiful at the end.
If you're being physically or mentally abused in a marriage, to be
honest, for me, I'd go for separation. Then, we go for counselling and
see if the union can continue. With a lot of prayers, it usually does
come together. But for me to say this is why marriages break up, I
can't.
INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE
I don't think it's possible for you to have marriage without intimacy,
because if there's no intimacy, why bother with marriage Most people
think intimacy means just sex, there's more to it than that. There's a
meeting of minds, there's that bonding. Sometime ago, I used to tell
him (my husband) that 'one of the reasons why I find that I can't
leave you is that the next morning, I'm likely to call to find out how
you are'. There is just this closeness. I really don't think marriage
is possible without intimacy. I think it is very important that there
is trust in marriage. Trust can be broken, but it can be healed. Some
people believe in polygamy, I don't. I don't believe in sharing. It
has to do with what works for you as a couple. I don't think I'd do
what I see happens in the West where you see people kissing on the
streets. But, yes I can hold my husband, hug him if the situation
calls for it.
COMBINING MY DUTY AS A MOTHER, WIFE AND AN ACTRESS.
One, I have had very good role models. I think that's a key and my
first role model was my mum. She was married to the same person all
her life, until my father died. That's over 40 something years of
marriage they had. The people who were also my care givers because my
mum travelled a lot, like Chief Mrs Olaoye, Mrs Oyin Oladapo, Mrs
Laoye and my mother's sister, Mrs Busola Olumide - all these people
juggled being wives, being mothers, being professionals.
One of the things I learnt is to make time for the family, you career
cannot supersede the family. The family always comes first in
everything I'm doing. There is what is called prioritising, what needs
attention at a particular point. Is it work, family or your husband.
They rarely do need attention at the same time, thank God, so you give
attention to whatever needs attention at whatever point in time.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.
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